Friday, September 27, 2002

So how many of u's saw the fight?? ohhhhhhhmygod that bitch hit me hard!! i cant leave the house till my lip has healed, she has totally split my lip open and its really swollen and i can only just talk but i sound retarded cuz i cant move my bottom lip very well and my tooth was really loose but i cant move it as much now so i dunno what was up with that!!

Timo (timoooo we love u, timooooo we do, timo we love u and wanna fuuuuuck u hehe) came round last night and made fun of my lip alllllllllllllll night, i had really missed my timo and the rest of the boys, we had some really good times while living together.

Did I tell u all that me and tray broke up?? i cant remember and i cant be bothered to look, but yeah we broke up, he was kinda mad at me for my reasons but i think he understands now and it cool with it, me and tony had a talk about stuff and i dont think we have really sorted anything out, we never really talk about things long enough b4 1 of us has to leave or gets mad at the other, but i dunno..... ok off to ice my lip and try smoke..... its not easy when the middle of ur lip is split and so swollen u cant put ur lips together.... poor me

Thursday, September 26, 2002

"Don’t stray don’t ever go away, I should be much to smart for this, u know it gets the better of me, sometimes when u and I collide I fall into a ocean of u, pull me out in time don’t let me drown, let me down, says its all because of u, and here I go losing my control, I’m practicing ur name so I can say it 2 ur face, it doesn’t seem right to look u in the eyes and let all the thing u mean to me come tumbling out my mouth in deed its time to tell u y, says its infinitely true,

Say ur stay don’t come and go like u do, sway my way, yeah I need to know all about u, and there’s no cure, no way to be sure y everything has turned inside out and still in so much doubt, it makes me so sad I feel so uninspired, my head is battling with my heart my logic had been torn apart and now its all turned sour, come sweets in every afternoon.

Say ur stay don’t come and go like u do, sway my way, yeah I need to know all about u, say ur stay don’t come and go like u do, sway my way, yeah I need to know all about u, its all because of u, its all because of u….

Now it all turns sour, come sweets in every afternoon, its time to tell u y, say its infinitely true, say ur stay don’t come and go like u do, sway my way, yeah I need to know all about u, say ur stay don’t come and go like u do, sway my way yeah I need to know all about u, its all because of u, its all because of u, its all because of u"

I really like this song, its from the 1st america pie movie and is on my "i'm a pot head and need summit mellow to listen 2" CD, I think it explains how i feel about some people, like when u like some1 so much that ur scared that ur not good enough or that what u wanna say isnt going to sound right and when ur in a relationship with some1 and u never know if they really like u or if they r just playing with ya and u feel like ur losing them

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Another night without sleep.... now feeling kinda crap, i really dont know what 2 do with Tray and everything, part of me is saying just leave now but then i dont know.... i really do like him but i dont think that its enough.... oh well i'm gonna go think some more and then i'll update u all later

Monday, September 23, 2002

"Isn't it amusing how what seems so poetic one moment seems pathetic the next? It seems somehow connected to how quickly we go from smitten to devastated and back again. And I think the only constant is change itself. These days I can't even count on myself to remain constant - nor would I want to. What I am is so much right now, so many possibilities...

I have come to the realization that I am perpetually coming-of-age.

"Water is always in motion and, as it moves, it reflects the world..." "

cool quote huh??
i hate the fucking M6 and the M1..... traffic was awful..... we have only just got back, poor Tray had to drive all night while i tried to sleep, it normally takes about 6 hours cuz of the traffic it took us 9.... mmm nice huh?? its lucky we didnt drive back in the day time cuz that would have taken us even longer... ok enough about the shit car ride, the weekend was cool, Tray had a few things he needed to do, we were gonna stay abit longer but he had to come back cuz of some problem with the baby, he told me a few things while we were away that have made me realise i really need to think about me and him.... he wants to get full custody of the baby thats gonna be born cuz the girl dont want it, she was going to get it aborted but tray didnt want her 2 then she said she was gonna get it adopted so Tray said he'll have the baby.... can everyone see where this is heading??? i see me, tray and some1 elses baby..... hmmm, oh i'm not being nasty but i dont think i would be able to do that, i'm really not the mothering type and i know if u take on a guy with kids u take on the kids but me and tray were only ever meant to be casual, things cant be casual if there is a baby involved cuz it isnt fair on the kid to have different women coming and going in its life.... oh i dunno

i have done a lot of thinking about things with me and tony aswell.... i dont think he likes me anymore.... to be totally honest i dont think he would care if i left forever and never came back.... :o( he has changed so much again.... i really dont know y, i just think that after all this time it wouldnt b 2 hard for him just to be nice to me, i have lay all my feelings on the line for him and have told him how i feel about everything and he just acts like it dont matter anymore, 1 min he is saying he loves me and being with his g/f is a big mistake then he is ignoring me and being mean.... oh i'm going to bed now.....